batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
