i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i think i have two assholes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
