so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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