I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
