Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
