..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
