How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
