addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
