He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Randomize
