I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize
