Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
