I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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