Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
