While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
