Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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