Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
