She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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