We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
