I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
