where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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