I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
