If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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