that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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