I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
