And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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