I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
