just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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