You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
