The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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