You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
