Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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