a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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