Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just made my gag reflex go away.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
