what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This toilet bowl is my home.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
