I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
