Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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