A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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