stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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