The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
