I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
