So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
