Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
