there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
