oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
