Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize