the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
