Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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