the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
