Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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