I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I want her autograph on my taint
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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