mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Randomize
