i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
