why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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