You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
