I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
