He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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