i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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