I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
