Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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