Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
