Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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