Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.