Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Randomize
Follow @tfln