You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.