After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it