I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.